How to be a force for good in the world

In 2007, when I was searching for a course to answer questions I had about how the mind works, I came across the Clifton Practice Hypnotherapy Training (CPHT) website, and one particular phrase leapt out at me.

It said something like: ‘If you could be responsible for changing one person’s life for the better, wouldn’t it be worth it?’ My answer was, as Derek Sivers puts it in the title of his self-help book, ‘Hell Yeah’. And so I enrolled to become a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist. As a result, I’m privileged to be able to say I’ve helped many hundreds of clients change their lives for the better.

But you don’t need to be a therapist to influence those around you in a positive way. One of the most valuable ways you can help others is by taking the time to listen. And listen actively. That means being wholly present for the other person. Being aware of, not just their words, but their tone of voice, body language and facial expressions. When you do that, you stand a better chance of fully understanding what they are saying. You can sense the subtext.

That then enables you to respond appropriately, so that instead of saying something like, ‘Oh dear,’ or ‘That’s nice,’ you can demonstrate you’ve heard more than just the words. You might comment on their resilience, or ask, ‘What did you do then?’

And once you listen to others with presence and purpose, the strangest thing happens. The whole conversation is more satisfying all round, so that not only does the person you’re listening to feel more valued, but you feel you’ve gained additional insight and provided support. It’s a sure-fire way of strengthening your relationship.

Being a force for good by being fully present isn’t just limited to our conversations with others. I remember being in a café recently and I spotted a set of keys under a fellow diner’s chair. Instead of ‘minding my own business’, I reached across, picked the keys up and handed them to the woman who was deep in conversation with her companion. I apologised for the interruption saying, ‘I don’t want you to walk away after your meal and leave the keys behind.’ She thanked me and said she would probably have done just that, if I hadn’t drawn her attention to them.

Another great way of being a force for good is to perform random acts of kindness. And it needn’t be difficult or onerous.

As a society, we are encouraged to complain when something goes wrong. Make a commitment to be a force for good by giving praise when something goes right. It costs nothing and helps to radiate positivity. In these days of instant messaging and emails, the art of writing a thank you note has gone out of fashion. But it can make all the difference. And you don’t need fancy cards or stationery, it could be something as simple as a scrawled thank you on a post-it note. Maybe a note to the refuse collectors to thank them for taking the extra cardboard last week, or to the post office counter clerk who took the time to explain the most cost-effective way of sending a parcel. Acknowledging their efforts in writing could really make their day. Again it comes back to being aware of the interactions of those around you, being present.

Perhaps there’s someone in your past who really inspired you. Maybe they said something that changed your approach to life for the better. Maybe they were your role model and you aspired to be more like them. Maybe they gave you a second chance or encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone. Perhaps it was a teacher, a boss, a co-worker, a politician or a friend. Here’s the thing. It’s entirely possible that they have no idea of the impact they had on you. How would it be if you dropped them a note to say how much their example or actions affected your life for the better? Can you imagine how good they’d feel?

And that, of course, cuts both ways. There will be people that you’ve encountered in the past who will remember some act of kindness, inspiration or support that you provided them in their hour of need. The chances are that you’ve already been a force for good, but you may not be aware of your positive impact.

We are all capable of being a force for good in the world, and the effect is cumulative. The more of us who radiate positivity and compassion, the bigger the impact. I’m reminded of the story of the starfish thrower:

A man is walking along a beach after a massive storm. The sea has been churning and thousands of starfish are now stranded on the beach.

As he walks, he sees an older man bending down, picking up a starfish and throwing it into the sea.

'What on earth are you doing?' he asks.

The older man replies, 'I’m saving the starfish'.

'You must be mad, there must be thousands of starfish, and you're just one person. You can't possibly make a difference'.

The older man smiles, bends down, gently picks up a starfish and throws it into the sea.

'I made a difference to that one', he said.

So, believe me when I say, we can all be a force for good.

If you feel motivated to make a positive difference in the world, here are a couple of websites that are full of inspiration:

365 Give

Random acts of kindness